ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY: User Guide and Manual
by Vanechka
Summary: CONGRATULATIONS! You have just purchased your very own ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit. We, the makers, have written this manual so that you, the owner, may avoid near fatal encounters with frying pans...LolliDictator style


**A/N**: This fic was a collaborative effort with two of my friends who do not have accounts. Thus, I apologize if there is a lack of consistency in style. LolliDictator style manual, it's Hungary this time!

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><p><strong>CONGRATULATIONS! <strong>You have just purchased your very own ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit. We, the makers, have written this manual so that you, the owner, may make the most of your unit. It is advised that you read this before trying anything, to prevent near-fatal encounters with frying pans, and/or unfortunate bouts of shock from her stalkerish tendencies (if you are gay, that is.) The ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit may be at times extremely unpredictable and may cause severe trauma to the mentally unprepared.

**Technical Specifications:**

Name: Elizaveta Hedervary. Will respond to "Hungary", "Republic of Hungary", "Magyarország", "Austro-Hungary", "Eliza", "Erzsi", "Liz", "Erzsébet", "Eli" and "You sick yaoi fan" (although she may smile innocently at you and hold up a frying pan)

Age: 22

Place of Manufacture: Budapest, Hungary

Height: 160 cm (5' 3")

Weight: 100 lbs

Cup Size: She doesn't carry anything that makes her feel inferior.

**Your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY unit comes with the following accessories:**

One (1) set of green military uniform  
>One (1) set of maid costume (complete with bandanna)<br>One (1) set of flowers; contains three of varying colours. More can be purchased as an expansion pack.  
>One (1) yaoi stash; not to be opened on pain of <em>death by frying pan.<br>_One (1) frying pan  
>One (1) digital camera. Batteries not included.<br>One (1) set of surveillance cameras. Your Unit will set up these cameras herself. DO NOT INTERFERE, unless you wish for your _death by frying pan.  
><em>

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><p><strong>Programming<strong>

Your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit comes with the following traits:

Housekeeper: Having spent quite some time in RODERICH EDELSTEIN's house, your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit has become quite the proficient housekeeper. So long as you ask her nicely, she will help you clear up your house in no time-though Flying Mint Bunny co. does not take any responsibility if your Unit happens to sneakily set up a few surveillance cameras along the way. She is also rather good at gardening.

Babysitter: Your Unit is surprisingly patient and good with children, having worked as the caretaker of CHIBITALIA when he was young. Children will adore her kindly and caring ways and become very attached to her quickly. However, she has a tendency to dress up male children in female outfits if she deems it to be "cute". Or she may simply do so to satisfy her chibi!yaoi dreams.

Paparazzi: Need someone to stalk that secret crush of yours? Need someone to dig up scandalous stories about your greatest rival? Your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit is perfect for the job! We are, after all, talking about the Unit who has managed to successfully procure some rather embarrassing (and delicious, to fangirls) shots of even RODERICH EDELSTEIN. If you need some juicy reports, then ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY would be happy to be at your service.

Bodyguard: Being the manliest Unit of all the Units we've ever made (including the male ones, yes), ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY is quite the fighter and would make an ideal bodyguard for important leaders, especially female ones who have a preference for a competent female bodyguard. After all, we're talking about the person who has constantly thrashed GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT in their teenage years. Any individuals who threaten the principal will be assured a _death by frying pan._

**Removal of your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit from packaging:**

1. Stand a safe distance from the box and shout "I'm AWESOME!", "Kesesesese!" or "Prussia has invaded my vital regions!". Your Unit will fly out of her box armed with a frying pan. We suggest you reprogram her as quickly as possible before she tears down your house in search of a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit to smash with her trusty frying pan.

Alternatively, you may ask a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit to do what was stated above. We are not responsible for any _demolishment by frying pan_ suffered by the GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit.

2. If you have a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit, you may politely request for him to play the piano. Note that you must have a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit do this, for attempting to imitate a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit's playing will result in a highly irritated ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit waking up and we will not be responsible for_ death by frying pan_. Once your RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit has finished playing, you may open the box; your Unit will walk out calmly and hug the RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit. You may reprogram her while she is doing this.

3. Stand a safe distance from the box and make an offhand remark about the availability of some kind of yaoi action in the immediate area that is loud enough for her to hear. Your Unit will burst out of the box and automatically be in Fujoshi mode, demanding to be allowed access to the said yaoi action. It is advised to reprogram her quickly before she realises that said yaoi action is in fact not available and goes into her Enraged mode. _Death by frying pan_ is likely to follow.

4. If you secretly hoard yaoi video tapes, you may play them with the sound on. Tapes including a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit, a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit or an ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit (preferably being a dere/uke) seem to work the best, though TIMO VÄINÄMÖINEN/BERWALD OXENSTIERNA tapes have been shown to work as well. Your Unit will burst out of her box, automatically in Fujoshi mode, and proceed to sit down and drool over the tape; you may reprogram her while she is doing so.

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><p><strong>Reprogramming<strong>

_Manly (default)_

_Domestic_

_Protective_

_Enraged_

_Fujoshi_

_Stalker (locked)_

_Seductive (locked)_

Your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit, is, by default, in the _Manly _mode. She is, after all, the manliest Unit we have made; this means that she'd always be ready to kick some Prussian ass and generally prove to the other Units how useless they are in battle.

The _Domestic_ mode may be initiated by prolonged exposure to a Dominant RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit (and in the process reverting the RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit back to normal) or by simply asking her if she could help you take care of your housework. In this mode, she will be extremely meticulous and ensure that the house is sparkly clean. Do note, however, that even in this mode, your Unit is capable of wielding a frying pan and smashing it into any offending GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit's face.

The_ Protective _mode is activated if your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit senses that her principal or anyone dear to her is threatened. In this mode, she is ten times as likely to kick Prussian ass as she is in her default _Manly_ mode, and her aggressiveness can be manifested in but not limited to the following ways: whacking of aggressor with a frying pan, demanding for the return of vital regions, fending off a whole troop with her bare fists, etc. She will automatically leave this mode when she senses that her principal is no longer threatened.

The _Enraged_ mode is usually triggered by a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit's constant annoying, but may also be triggered by the removal of her yaoi tapes/interference with any of the activities she deems to be private. In this mode, the person who had got her into this mode may suffer from _death by frying pan_; the most failsafe way to get her out of this mode is to get a LUDWIG, RODERICH EDELSTEIN or FELIKS ŁUKASIEWICZ Unit to calm her down.

The_ Fujoshi_ mode is automatically activated whenever your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY unit detects possible hot guy-on-guy action (otherwise known as yaoi) in her immediate vicinity. If there is already yaoi action going on, she will attempt to get as many recordings as possible with her trusty digital camera. Collaboration with a KIKU HONDA Unit may be possible. If there is potential for yaoi action, she will do anything to get the couple she intends to pair together. To knock her out of this mode, get a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit to annoy her enough for her to focus her attention on delivering_demolition by frying pan_ to the GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit.

The _Stalker_ mode a locked, more severe manifestation of her _Fujoshi_ mode. In this mode, she will literally stalk the target everywhere and make use of her surveillance cameras for more inaccessible places. It has been shown that her _Stalker_ mode may be activated by a shirtless RODERICH EDELSTEIN being molested by a FRANCIS BONNEFOY Unit, an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit BDSMing a GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit, an ALFRED F. JONES Unit making out with an ARTHUR KIRKLAND Unit, and many other instances. It is impossible to knock her out of this mode by any normal means.

Her final mode, _Seductive_, is also locked. It may be unlocked by getting her extremely horny and/or extremely drunk. In this mode, she will be almost entirely out of character from her usual Manly self, and few male units will be able to resist her charm (this includes BERWALD OXENSTIERNA, who is officially gay). In this mode, she is three times as likely to end up in bed with an equally drunk GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT. If you managed to get RODERICH EDELSTEIN dead drunk as well, some juicy threesome action may be possible in this mode. She will get out of this mode after she has sobered up.

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><p><strong>Relationships with other Units:<strong>

Being one of the rare female Units, ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY has rather extensive options for relationships.

RODERICH EDELSTEIN: If you are in possession of a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit, then this Unit will be the only possible romance option for your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit. Even if you are not in possession of a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit, your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit may still end up with your neighbour's RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit if they see each other often, due to the long history these two Units have. However, do not be alarmed if your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit appears to like to pair RODERICH EDELSTEIN up with other males even when she is attached to him-that's just her Fujoshi mode functioning, as per normal, and she is not serious about "sharing" her RODERICH EDELSTEIN with anyone else. Additionally, your Unit enjoys watching RODERICH EDELSTEIN Units play the piano.

GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT: This Unit and your Unit have an even longer history than RODERICH EDELSTEIN and your Unit, as close childhood friends who have confided much in each other. Despite what ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY's fondness for using a frying pan on this unit may suggest, they are still rather close friends and on good terms (the annoyance and rage is just part of their relationship.) Although they are technically best friends, it is known that GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Units may harbour (usually unrequited and unconfessed) feelings for ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Units. However, you never know; as unlikely as it may seem, these two may actually end up as a pair eventually.

FELICIANO VARGAS: Having cared for the younger version (CHIBITALIA) of this Unit, ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY is still very caring and kind towards this Unit and may even be slightly motherly. FELICIANO VARGAS enjoys this attention and looks up to her as a mother, like how he looks up to RODERICH EDELSTEIN as a father figure.

LUDWIG BEILSCHMIDT: Your Unit is convinced that LUDWIG is in fact the same as her beloved HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE, and would be very kind and motherly to this Unit. While your LUDWIG Unit may be confused by this, he does not mind an ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit's care and would willingly accept her as a mother figure. A romantic relationship is highly unlikely, but still possible under certain circumstances.

IVAN BRAGINSKI: Your Unit is one of the rare Units who will not be abused by this Unit in a relationship. Although ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY hates IVAN BRAGINSKI for making her part of the Soviet Union in post-WWII times, it is possible for the two of them to end up in a relationship because IVAN BRAGINSKI is surprisingly gentle to her and she eventually sees the other side of him. (Please be wary of any NATALYA ARLOVSKAYA Units in the vicinity, however. We do not offer refunds for Units suffering demolishment by knife.)

SADIQ ADNAN: Having previously been thrashed in war by this Unit when she was young and having spent some time in the Ottoman Empire, the ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit harbours a certain resentment towards him. However, the SADIQ ADNAN Unit appears to take a special interest in the ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit, and thus a relationship might be possible with lots of coaxing.

FELIKS ŁUKASIEWICZ: This Unit and your Unit are very good friends. FELIKS ŁUKASIEWICZ and your Unit may often go off for some "girl time" (and yes, the makers of this manual are fully aware that FELIKS ŁUKASIEWICZ is, like, totally male), and you will find that this unit is one of the best couselors to get ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY out of any dangerous mode. No romantic relationship is possible between the two, because you'd, like, totally not want to, like, date your best guy (gay?) friend.

KIKU HONDA: This is your Unit's partner-in-crime in all her yaoi exploits, helping her gain access to restricted yaoi tapes and supplying her with her yaoi manga. If you are gay and these two are within your visible radius, RUN LIKE THE WIND.

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><p><strong>Cleaning<strong>

Your Unit is perfectly capable of cleaning herself, and does not mind bathing with CHIBITALIA or the miniature forms of other Units if she is babysitting them.

**Feeding**

Your Unit will eat most types of food, though she has a preference for Hungarian and Germanic food. She also enjoys exotic Russian cuisine, and has a penchant for Austrian pastry. She is also able to cook if you require her to, but she is not a spectacular cook (although what she makes is definitely beyond just edible).

**Rest**

From the years of military training, your Unit has become a natural early sleeper/riser, and would probably wake up earlier than you do. However, she may adjust her sleep cycle to match that of the other members of the household.

Your Unit does not mind sharing a room with other female Units (except for Genben!GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT) and male Units if she is in a romantic relationship with them. She also does not mind having a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit count sheep for her to fall asleep.

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><p><strong>Frequently Asked Questions<strong>

Q: Did you perhaps mention that the ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit is the manliest Unit of all?

A: Yep.

Q: Really?

A: Yep.

Q: Oh my god, she really is.

A: That is not an actual question. Also, told you so.

Q: I just accidentally broke the handle of her frying pan and now she's raiding my kitchen for a suitable pan!

A: ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY is rather picky about the type of pan she uses. If you broke the handle of the one we sent you, give us a call and we will ship you a replacement right away.

Q: My Unit is poking around in my, uh, male human anatomy interaction reference materials! How do I stop her?

A: It seems that she has run out of her own stash of "male human anatomy interaction reference materials". It is advised to procure more for her lest she becomes even more bored and attempts to obtain them herself. (This may lead to... certain consequences regarding your standing in society.) However, we will not provide instructions on how to do so; we are an establishment with a reputation to uphold.

Q: My Unit is hanging around my neighbour's RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit a lot these days! I can hardly get her to come back to my house. What should I do?

A: Make wedding plans. For your Units, that is; regarding your neighbour, it is best to build a friendly relationship - you'll be seeing each other a lot, since the Austro-Hungarian newlyweds will now have no regard for borders (the RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit, though, will exercise more restraint).

Q: I think I'm being watched. Everywhere. ALL THE TIME.

A: We did mention the surveillance cameras. Are you a young male living with a partner of the same gender? It would explain a lot.

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><p><strong>Troubleshooting<strong>

Problem: Your Unit is trying to beat up your/your neighbour's RODERICH EDELSTEIN. Also, she doesn't seem to realise that she is a woman; she keeps talking in a manly way and "making promises between men" and showing off her abs.

Solution: It seems that a small defect has occurred: your Unit is still programmed as a young Hungary. You may send the Unit back to us for calibration, free of charge. In the meantime, please ensure that you have a VASH ZWINGLI Unit around to take care of the unfortunate RODERICH EDELSTEIN.

Problem: Your ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit just doesn't seem to get the idea of not administering demolishment by frying pan unto your GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit every time they meet.

Solution: Have you made sure that the GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit understands that RODERICH EDELSTEIN's vital regions are off-limits? We suggest keeping the GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit away from the ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY Unit initially and allow only moderated encounters. It is best to keep a LUDWIG Unit in the room at the same time (but never a RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit. Trust us, that would go very badly). With luck, your Units will form a friendship bond, which will temper the ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY's tendencies to demolish by frying pan whenever the GILBERT BEILSCHMIDT Unit annoys her.

Problem: Your Unit has suddenly become very depressed, possibly from a crippled RODERICH EDELSTEIN Unit refusing to see her, and has become unnaturally weak. She also has great mood swings, vacillating between a passionate hatred of IVAN BRAGINSKI and allowing him to comfort her and drinking his vodka.

Solution: You appear to have unlocked your Unit's post-WWII mode, a mode that may sometimes be a result of unlocking your RODERICH EDELSTEIN's world war mode as well. In this mode, ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY was forced to divorce RODERICH EDELSTEIN after World War I, and she was forced to join the Soviet Union for a short period of time after World War II. This explains her strong conflicted emotions towards IVAN BRAGINSKI, and this mode also makes it ten times more likely for her to end up in a relationship with an IVAN BRAGINSKI Unit.

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><p><strong>End Notes<strong>

With loads of yaoi and care, ELIZAVETA HEDERVARY will prove to be a very interesting and enjoyable companion. We wish you all the best with your Unit!


End file.
